Dating Tips from Alternative Connections

When you’re ready to look for Mr. or Ms. Right for a long-term relationship we suggest you consider a few old-fashioned values. And no, we don’t mean chaperones, curfews, or chastity belts.
At Alternative Connections, we've been matchmakers for gay and lesbian professionals since 1993, and we’d like to offer some ideas and share some of the input we’ve received from our members.

Let’s assume you meet on a website, or in a chat room, . . .or any of the numerous other ways people find each other. Conversation comes easily, and something just seems "right" this time. The two of you share some interests, and you’re hoping this might be more than just another "hook-up."

Don’t lie about your age or any other key information. If you do hit it off, you’ll have to come clean at some point. The truth will eventually come out.

Consider scheduling a coffee date. Instead of dinner and a movie and then the bars, minimize the sexual tension and the social pressures by getting together for coffee or lunch. All that other stuff can come later, AFTER you find out if the two of you have the basis for a friendship, upon which you might build a partnership.

Treat your date with respect. Be on time. If you have to cancel or reschedule, give as much notice as possible.

Meet in a public place. You do not want that occasional "crazy" to know where you live. Besides, a public place is "neutral."

Have a real conversation. You won’t make a good impression if you sound like a human resources specialist in a job interview, going through your "checklist" question by question. Volunteer information about yourself, but don’t dominate the conversation.

Try to discover whether you share common goals and expectations and have similar values. Your date may not wish to hear about every creep who hurt you in the past, and all the lousy jobs you’ve had. Couples usually share all that at some point, but you have to get past the first date for that to happen.

Finding a "fixer-upper" may work when buying a house. You think you can see just what’s needed to create your dream home. But when looking for a partner for a long-term relationship, don’t count on being able to make the improvements you think are necessary. You’re not likely to find Mr. or Ms. 100% Right. Be sure the perceived "shortcomings" are things you can live with.

Treat yourself with respect! Don’t consume too much alcohol! Always BE SAFE!
When someone just isn’t for you, but asks you to go out again (Isn’t that always the way it goes!!), politely convey that you’re not interested. It won’t get any easier to say "no" after the second or third message is left on your answering machine.

If you’re new to the dating scene or your effort thus far in life has been on getting "hooked-up" rather than getting "hitched," do yourself a favor and take time to assess who you are and what type of person you’re really seeking.

We recommend two books that have been especially helpful to those seeking a committed same-sex relationship. (Click either title to purchase from Amazon.com.)

Husband Hunting Made Easy : And Other Miracles for the Modern Gay Man, by Patrick Price

The Dating Dance : A Guide for Women Dating Women , By Joyce Gayles

When you are ready to start meeting new people, visit our recommended web sites for further information.

Your resource for gay, lesbian, and alternative personals, dating, and relationships. DATING TIPS When you’re ready to look for Mr. or Ms. Right for a long-term relationship we suggest you consider a few old-fashioned values. And no, we don’t mean chaperones, curfews, or chastity belts. At Alternative Connections, we've been matchmakers for gay and lesbian professionals since 1993, and we’d like to offer some ideas and share some of the input we’ve received from our members. Let’s assume you meet on a website, or in a chat room, . . .or any of the numerous other ways people find each other. Conversation comes easily, and something just seems "right" this time. The two of you share some interests, and you’re hoping this might be more than just another "hook-up." Don’t lie about your age or any other key information. If you do hit it off, you’ll have to come clean at some point. The truth will eventually come out. Consider scheduling a coffee date. Instead of dinner and a movie and then the bars, minimize the sexual tension and the social pressures by getting together for coffee or lunch. All that other stuff can come later, AFTER you find out if the two of you have the basis for a friendship, upon which you might build a partnership. Treat your date with respect. Be on time. If you have to cancel or reschedule, give as much notice as possible. Meet in a public place. You do not want that occasional "crazy" to know where you live. Besides, a public place is "neutral." Have a real conversation. You won’t make a good impression if you sound like a human resources specialist in a job interview, going through your "checklist" question by question. Volunteer information about yourself, but don’t dominate the conversation. Try to discover whether you share common goals and expectations and have similar values. Your date may not wish to hear about every creep who hurt you in the past, and all the lousy jobs you’ve had. Couples usually share all that at some point, but you have to get past the first date for that to happen. Finding a "fixer-upper" may work when buying a house. You think you can see just what’s needed to create your dream home. But when looking for a partner for a long-term relationship, don’t count on being able to make the improvements you think are necessary. You’re not likely to find Mr. or Ms. 100% Right. Be sure the perceived "shortcomings" are things you can live with. Treat yourself with respect! Don’t consume too much alcohol! Always BE SAFE! When someone just isn’t for you, but asks you to go out again (Isn’t that always the way it goes!!), politely convey that you’re not interested. It won’t get any easier to say "no" after the second or third message is left on your answering machine. If you’re new to the dating scene or your effort thus far in life has been on getting "hooked-up" rather than getting "hitched," do yourself a favor and take time to assess who you are and what type of person you’re really seeking. We recommend two books that have been especially helpful to those seeking a committed same-sex relationship. (Click either title to purchase from Amazon.com.) Husband Hunting Made Easy : And Other Miracles for the Modern Gay Man, by Patrick Price The Dating Dance : A Guide for Women Dating Women , By Joyce Gayles When you are ready to start meeting new people, visit our recommended web sites for further information.

DATING TIPS